THE IGNORED TROUBLES OF A TERNION: PART I

 The Ignored Troubles of a Ternion

This is a collection of stories about three young female adults. Stories about them surviving how many ever curveballs life threw at them. Whether you dearly choose just one story or heartily own all three pieces for your reading interest, this time of your life shall not be wasted.

Image: Three Girls by Amrita Sher-gil

Pallavi. A 20 year old undergraduate from Government First Grade College, HSR Layout, Bengaluru. She hails from somewhere in Dakshina Kannada. Her ambition is to serve in the civil service. She lives near her college in a rented house. Not all by herself but with 'someone'. Her schooling was done in her hometown, except for 10th grade and 11th grade. Due to financial difficulty which arose from declining peanuts harvest, Pallavi and her family moved to Bengaluru in 2018. Studying at government aided institutions for two years in the city, Pallavi secured 75% in SSLC and 89% in I PU (History, Economics, Political Science and Sociology) exams. So far, so good. But, Pallavi wasn't the same as she used to be until her parents told something bizarre after her SSLC results. It was about a bizarre, conservative practice every female in her family were eternally tied to. Marriage. Arranged marriages. Most of them were child marriages. Not beating around the bush, her parents clearly told that she was of the right age to tie the knot and they wasted no time in mentioning her groom too. He was her mother's only younger brother. Pallavi was flabbergasted. A 17 year old at the time. She protested. Through no shouting or moping. There wasn't any space for that. Just protesting through words. Requests. Pleading. Pallavi told them that she would do as they say but only after she had earned and settled by herself. Only the walls heard. She requested them to wait until the end of her undergraduate studies. The walls heard. She again requested them to wait until twelfth grade exam. The walls heard. Pallavi couldn't step down anymore further. Her protest went on throughout her eleventh grade. After all, for some, rituals and customs is equal to social norms though they are illegal and given that they have never been confronted.

On March 23 2020, the coronavirus pandemic unfurled. With all known sources of income being shut, farming became the only option her parents saw fit to keep the family afloat. This forced her family to move into their hometown again. 

There was a marriage going on during this time. Marriage of her eighth grade cousin to some man. More than half of the girls in this town are married before they turn 18. Talk about The Prohibition of Child Marriage Act, 2006 and any uncle will, you know, tell that it is all bulls-. This cousin had a younger sister, who was studying in fifth grade. Plans to arrange her marriage started alongside. As days went by, there uprooted a new trouble to Pallavi. It is good if you have guessed it already but if not, Pallavi's parents were being told by the elders and many relatives that it is time for their daughter to tie the knot. The air smelled bogus to Pallavi, now. They pressurized her parents for months and this 'threatened' or probably the best word to describe is 'shook' the 'teenager'. This turned into mockery and threats. The word spread, that Pallavi wasn't agreeing to marry just yet. Neighbors also joined the great revolution of sacrificing girls' dreams to uphold the might of the collectivist, patriarchal grandeur. Her father used to skip food for some days as his stomach was full with humiliation. Pallavi knew that her parents did not entirely want to get her married off so early but they were forced to act opposite to their own selves due to their relatives. There could've been two reasons for this possibility: one, her relatives' envy as Pallavi's distinction in her 10th grade outshined all girls in her town as most of them didn't even pass or score well or didn't even make it till there and two, Pallavi is a girl. While this commotion continued, she forcibly enrolled into a Government PU College in the city (Bengaluru) and took online classes from her hometown. Nothing changed at home. Her mother used to be asked by a few strangers as to why she is keeping an old daughter with them while her cousins so young were already married. She fought everyday for herself. Vasundhara ma'am, one of her teachers had slight idea of Pallavi's troubles. Unlike other people, the teacher motivated her to not give up and study no matter what is happening or is bound to happen. We can say that college was her temporary safe space. 11th grade went by and her marks had declined a bit. Nobody except herself cared about the scores. 12th grade is, as teachers say, "is the turning point" (its crap, we know). The talks were on. She fought for a year. Then, another. Her passion for studies since a kid shone in her twelfth grade exams, amidst this unjust family feuds. She rose to be a distinction holder for her college. None was still considered to have atleast called off the marriage. During vacation, then 18, she was married to her mother's only younger brother.

Rewinding a bit back to her first year of pre-university is when a team from Tata arrived at her college to organize their annual 'TATA Building India: School Essay Competition'. Her essay topic was 'Five things I will do to build a great India'. Fast forward to April 17 2023, we see Pallavi seated in the same row of other students, two uncles and Hon'ble President of India, Smt. Draupadi Murmu posing for a group photo which now appears on the website which has 'gov' in its link address. Pallavi had won this national essay competition (covering 400 cities and 7,500 schools) in the categories - 'Kannada' and 'Senior' level. On a call a few weeks before meeting the president, the TATA team informed her about the jackpot and suggested that a guardian or parent accompanied her to Delhi. Without a doubt, she traveled with her husband. A zero budget and a proud marvel, indeed. Pallavi recalls the Sahasra Buddha, Ashoka Mahal, Durbar Hall, Mughal garden, Tipu's sword that was surprisingly returned by a foreigner, speeches by two other student winners, interactions with the dignitaries and much more about her time spent in and around Rashtrapati Bhavan. 

Pallavi's married life on the contrary, might have offered her more freedom to follow her dreams and support that she had lacked all along. Her husband bought her books that were themed around her UPSC preparation, took her to hometown whenever needed and supported/supports her aspirations. Maybe, he is one Mahadev Govind Ranade to his Ramabai Ranade. One analogy which Pallavi shared with me that related to her life after marriage, away from parents was that "Will our water spilt on ground become ours again?" (in Kannada). At Government First Grade College, HSR Layout today, Pallavi is pursuing her final year degree in BA and is a third year NCC cadet. Her Associate NCC Officer, Captain Naveena commended and awarded Pallavi at one of the camps (CATC) in front 600-700 cadets, for her perseverance.

It is debatable to think whether marriage is the cost that an Indian woman still has to pay to pursue her dreams or whether marriage is the only way an Indian woman can pursue her dreams because otherwise, she has no safety net anywhere. Until stories like Pallavi's live on, we cannot even try to attribute any class or community or characteristic to the words 'Indian woman' because when you talk about women empowerment in India, it does not limits to certain groups but it includes every individual who identifies herself as a woman. So, if there are stories out there about Indian women that are anything but not progress then as a woman, own that you are that same Indian woman as her too. If you can't help in any way at all, find help. We might differ in many ways but don't forget her story when you boast about women empowerment, freedom, independence and other words that seems to become fancy and limited as years go on. Itch your brain a little.